Change..

I haven’t blogged for a while for one simple reason.. I haven’t felt like it.  Usually I bubble over with stuff to say but lately, not so much. I’ve fizzled out. 

I think it has to do with too much change. 

I don’t like change, and yet I am once again in the middle of it: my world is always a little chaotic.  I am addicted to not being boring, or bored.. yet I am.. both boring and bored right now.

I try to do the right things..  exercise, eat properly, get enough sleep: although that hasn’t been so easy lately.  Part of the problem may be the fact that I’m not working.  Or maybe it’s the heat.. or the rain… or that I don’t know anyone here: partly because I don’t want to know anyone here, and partly because I don’t have a job and I don’t want a job here either.

You see my problem here: may be it's my fault?

In the two and half years since I arrived in this country, I have had.. five jobs!  Six.. no Seven?! 

No wonder I blew up at the people at the post office last week.  They said I didn’t fill in the form properly, again.  It had to be a black pen, I had used blue.  So I changed it.

Then they said they needed proof that I had a physical address here .. like a bank statement or an electric bill. But, the bill goes to Vas and my bank sends my statements to my post office box.  No good. 

They wanted my addresses for the past five years living in Australia.. I haven’t lived here for five years.  However, they didn’t want me to put in overseas addresses.. there was no place on the form.

They wanted my phone number, not a cell phone, but a land phone.

I don’t go to the post office any more… they don’t like me there.  They don’t like me in WJ..sheesh, now that I think about it, they don’t like me in a lot of places around here.  

In all seven (bloody hell!) jobs, I have had in the last two and a half years, they have wanted a ton of paperwork.. by the time I get it done I have usually moved on. 

It has made me cranky.

Mary figures a Canadian living with an Ozzie in Oz while working with the people I have been involved with is like bouncing a ball against a prison wall… they let you out into the yard now and then, but you’re still just bouncing a ball against the wall.  It keeps coming back into your court.. doesn’t serve any real purpose, and you’re going to have to give it up eventually. 

Well.. enough already.

They say change is seen as a threat and our instinct is fight or flight.  That’s what I’ve been doing.. flying between a variety of jobs and fighting with the people at the banks and the post office and any place else I run into these idiots.  

I feel like that metaphorical ball of Mary’s has been my head.

But change should be viewed as a positive force, a way to grow.. an opportunity. This is how I have chosen to live my life, and I really don’t want to give it up.  I just want things to slow down a little bit.

I need to have an address long enough to change my drivers license.  

In the last few years there have been a whole lot of changes in my life, and I just haven’t take the time to get comfortable long enough to catch my breath.

But that is going to change.. I have a new idea. 

I need to make a ten-year plan.  Just a rough sketch: something flexible. With a working life-framework, I can slot in what I need and want so I don’t get to feeling that the important things are slipping away from me.

I’ll give myself time for what’s important: family, friends and values, because these are the things that anchor me and allow me to fly.

And I need it all to be realistic, possible, and for that, I will need a job: for social and financial reasons. 

So I am heading out on my own for a while.  Vas will need to stay here so that I am able to make decisions without being second guessed. Wish me luck!  

I promise to blog when I bubble, even if it’s just a hiccup, or a bit of a burp, like this one..

Heading to Cairns tomorrow: they are expecting a cyclone, but you never know.  Things change.