Mostly about Women's Business

Have you ever noticed how many different sorts of toilets there are? 

I had to ‘go’ when Vas and I were out on our walk this morning, and was finally forced to try one the little stainless steel buildings I have seen here in the Territory.

“Do you have any coins?” I pleaded to Vassi.. I really had to go.  Unlike these fellahs I couldn't just pop behind a bush. 

“What for?  It’s free” he told me.

I thought there must be a charge, as there is a panel with buttons on the front of the shiny buiding, and the door looks very unforgiving.. like the entry to an elevator. 

But he was right, there was no place to put a coin.  I pushed a button and the door opened.  I stepped inside and the door slid closed behind me, rather unexpectantly: sort of fightening actually.  But a soothing voice explained that time was limited in the little box: I had ten minutes, and then the music started.  Maybe to assist me with the job at hand.    

The toilet paper dispenser had a button as well.   I pushed it and it dispensed just the right amount.  But  when I went to flush, all I could find was a sign that said "Wash Your Hands". 

Not being able to figure out how to flush a toilet is not a new experience to me.  There are a lot of different ways to flush and I decided I'd think about it while I did what I was told...and started to wash my hands.  

Another flush test I thought.  This little room didn't know who it was dealing with.  

In South America it was always a bit of an challenge to figure out how to flush: almost every toilet required a different action.  Sometimes you had to push a button, if you could locate it, while other models had a string you needed to pull.

There were handles to push down, and others to pull up.  Sometimes you just stood up and away it went while others, like many of the models in Mexico, needed you to get a bucket of water and pour it inside the bowl to get rid of the evidence.

Some toilets require that you take the whole back lid off and lift that great floating ball.  

Others just need you to jiggle the handle.  

At the school I was at in Beijing, the student toilet was just a plank over a moving canal of water… sort of self flushing.  The challenge there was not falling in.  In my teacher's quarters, I could sit on the toilet and shower at the same time.. (just a side bar). 

Squat toilets in the Middle East  are much the same… some instruct you very clearly where to put your feet, but you still need to figure out how to flush when you are done: pull, push, whatever.  It isn’t enough just to congratulate yourself when you don’t splash on your shoes. 

Then there are Out Houses: thankfully largely Canadian, where it is cold. In the summer, these little buildings are a fly and spider magnet, often low on T.P.  I spend a lot of my focus in these places leaving just the right amount of space behind  and in front to let out anything that might want to escape while I do my business.  

I hate the idea of having to use the only possible escape hole. 

I've used a lot of outhouses.. those places that need to be moved in order to remain useable.  In downtown Beijing some of the public toilets work on the same principle, but they get pumped out instead of moved… the stink is overwhelming. 

Airplane toilets are fun.  You have to put the lid down before you push the button or the suction would probably suck you right down and out.  And they are so loud! 

Airplanes must use the same chemicals they use in those little rental toilets: they smell the same.  Try flying for 14 hours at the back of the plane.. takes a while to get that ‘blue water’ smell out of your nose! 

Some toilets are low.  You go to sit down and just drop the last three inches: always shocking. 

Or you go visit grandma and she has one of those toilet lifts.. are you supposed to remove those elevated seats or sit on that puppy.. toes dangling.  I never know for sure. 

I love Oman.. they have little hoses hanging on the wall beside the toilet… no paper, but you can use the water to clean up.  But then.. as I said .. no paper.  So you do tend to stay a bit wet.  Which is sort of cool.. literally.. which can be good in the desert. 

Toilet paper is always an issue.  Even at home it is a challenge keep it in stock, at the best price.  You can hit the sales, but they tend to fill your cart rather quickly.  

And you want the soft stuff.  

When you travel you really need to carry a little with you… toilet paper seems to be a privilege, not a right, at any public toilet, anywhere in the world.   

And be careful disposing of it.  Some places really want it flushed while too much paper clogs a lot of the more basic systems.  When in Rome..

I’m pretty flexible, and if the Ozzy talking box wants me to wash my hands, that’s what I do.  And guess what, the toilet flushes! 

And if that’s not enough, just when I start looking around for paper to dry my hands, the water stops flowing and hot air starts to blow on my hands from the top of the sink area.  Very modern... or .. pushy?! 

I press the button by the door and the it opens: the music quits and a lovely male voice thanks me for my visit. 

Hey!  No one’s ever thanked me for doing my ‘business’ before.  Makes me feel sort of .. special. 

Now that's only in Oz!