On Raising a Family

Over a coffee in the Second Cup at the Chinook Mall here in Calgary today, my daughter-in-law, (I love saying that!), asked me how I managed to go to school at the same time I was raising three boys.

I explained that it wasn’t easy. I had to work in order to help pay for things. I got a job at the pool, where the boys were in swim club. I could double things up a bit: work while the boys trained: study while they were in school.

It does seem that when you are busy, you can always fit something else in. You just have to be more organized.

I went on to explain that having a degree was a turning point in my life. A degree, in almost anything, means doors open: opportunities arise: life becomes, well, bigger!

After Nola left to go home and I went back to Jeri’s I thought about how trite that all sounded. How good it made me look. And it just wasn’t like that.

Going to school, working, raising kids, and running a business, meant I did nothing well!

I lived in an unfinished house and did the very minimum I could to maintain it. If a wall didn’t absolutely NEED to be painted, it wasn’t.

I was a horrible housekeeper. Beds were seldom made. The laundry room was full of clothes that were outgrown before they ever got washed. There were spiders in there! And salamanders! An ironing board? There may have been one someplace but I am not sure I ever saw it!

We were strong supporters of McDonalds, Dairy Queen and all the all-you-can-eat places in town. To my dismay, McDonalds told me I was a ‘preferred” customer at one point: not an accomplishment I was proud of!

Company books were definitely not in order. I am sure we paid a lot in overdue penalties simply because I was never sure of the dates and didn’t get things in on time. Payroll was a mess. The accountant was thrilled when I stopped bringing in a years worth of invoices in a shoe box and had them even remotely in order.

I was never much of a school mom. I didn’t help out with bake sales or extra curricular activities. I did go to the parent teacher interviews, but the teachers were never too impressed when I refused to make the kids do homework or sign up for any volunteer work. I got to talk to the kids in the morning on the way to school and if there were no issues, I basically stayed out of the way.

The kids spent a lot of time in the library.. waiting. Waiting for me to finish work, or my classes. Waiting for swim practice. Waiting for dinner. That wasn’t the worst place to spend a lot of time. Sometimes they waited at the bus stop in Wardner: outside in the open. That was the worst place.

I was always tired. Tired to the point where many of those years are an absolute blur. I remember getting angry at my kids over nothing. And I was a lousy parent to them when they were teenagers: I just didn’t want to think about it. Teenagers are complicated and I didn’t have the time or the energy for complications.

I wasn’t much of a friend either. I didn’t have time for friends. The ones I have, are really special, patient people that I love dearly.

I find it truly amazing to see the sort of people my children have become. They have grown into fine young men, in spite, rather than because, of me.

And don’t get me wrong. I am not sorry for anything I did. I fit a lot of living into those years, but it was a crazy ride for the whole family. I am so thankful that it turned out ok and the boys aren’t absolute nut cases!

As to Nola’s question: How did you do it?

I have absolutely no friggin idea!